What is, "something I'm trapped in, Alex?"
Honestly.
You've got to love how my mental/emotional processes work though. They're so me. Cyclical and quite ritualistic. It's a good thing though, at least I can map out when I'm at my highs and lows in things. It's helping me even out this imbalance I have. Though, I will say this: I'm so fickle with how I look at love (while still being in it) that it's amazing that my heart hasn't just crapped out on me.
I like that feeling of being totally into it and then getting shot down. Of coures my natural responce is going to be a feeling of complete emotional nothingness. After a week or so I start thinking about other things and have about two weeks of feeling not good, but not pain either. Then I start weighing out my options in the GRAND scheme of things; the old "more fish in the sea idea." Which gets me thinking about girls that I like; which peaks intrest; which leads to the cusp of action; which then of course leads to thinking. The thinking is the bad part because the thinking kills all options but one on the basis of I'm not looking for someone that I need to fall in love with and put myself WAY out there in the process of it. I'm willing to put myself out there, don't get me wrong but I'm just so sick and tired of getting shot down that I'm at the point of almost sitting out a few rounds in hopes that this whole "Feminist" movement that is suposted to make women more assertive (all lies) will lead to one coming after me. Of course I know this won't happen, so boo and hiss.
Damned fake movements...
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