-The Embodiment of My Avarice-

   It's hard to put into words, expecially in the artistic manner that I desire, what I experienced tonight. There was depth in a shallow man that, while it may not have touched him, has greatly effected me. Revelation always seems to come in the most unlikley of places through the most unlikley of sources.
   Tonight I felt embarassed for doing something that I believed to be right. I was thought a fool when I knew what I was doing. On top of that I came face to face with the cynicism that I so clearly rely upon for survival and was appalled by it.
   When you come face to face with what you fight daily to not become, how do you respond? Do you ignore it or do you observe and correct? Is it possible to supress the Beast?
   I had planned to write something profound. I had planned to just write what I'm feeling towards the whole ordeal, and that is what it has become. Instead I offer this and challenge you to do the same:

In the face of Avarice present an offering of Charity.
In the face of Wrath present a heart of Compassion.

-Antigone-

Dearest Antigone-
   It seems like ages since we last spoke and an eternity since I last felt your embrace. Since we parted I have been unable to think of anything but you. Oh what calamity has befallen me that would cause me to now loathe that which I could not live without? I feel as a prisoner must; but how much worse is this fate? To be surrounded by the beauty of the sea and to be unable to share it with you. Each night I search for signs of you in this vast expanse. I turn my head towards the stars and imagine you staring at the same shimmering sky as I.
   No longer do I dream of unseen destinations and no longer do I desire to understand all that is to be understood on these untamed seas. I will gladly surrender this life for you. For all that I once loved and yearned for have now, in comparison to your beauty and grace, become a plague upon my heart and soul. With each passing moment I pray in an ever increasing fashion that we swiftly conduct our buisness and that I am able to once again return to your embrace.

My Dear, pray as I do for God sent winds and Angel's wings that I might speed home to you.

-The Flip Side-

   We met there once. In a world of haze and darkness we found light. We drifted those streets and stumbled down each alley with confidence that we would find our way to the sea. While I cannot recall the specifics of that evening I know that what we shared was beyond all description and all comparison. I am sure we lamented the time lost and laughed about the days to come. In the dark labyrinth that now consumes my mind I find soliace in the knowledge that what we shared will stick with us well beyond this morning and the day to follow. Despite the trials and turbulent seas that await us rest easy knowing that my thoughts dwell on you, and while we may never meet again I shall save you a seat on that old park bench in the hopes that we will once again meet... on the flip side.

- ΑΩ -

Monotony my love, you shine as you did yesterday.
Your touch is as cold as ice, yet your embrace unwinds the tension of my soul.
While I toil under the watchful eyes of Chaos,
You numb the confusion that builds in my mind.
You are consistency in a world of uncertainty.
Day after day you remain unchanged.
You are my beautiful mistress of death, and though I find comfort in your presence,
In your arms my life fades away.

-This is Fear; This is Terror-

I do not fear that which seperates the finite from the infinite,
But rather it is the expanses on either side of the divider that are the cause of my anxiety.
In this life I reached a crossroads in which my life turned down a dark and rocky path,
And no matter what light or blessings may occur further down this road it does not change the fact that this path I traverse is not the path I desire.
As such, that which is shall be measured by that which may have been
And shall always be found wanting.

There is a point in there somewhere, however even I cannot make head or tail of it. I'm scared. Without pause or peace I fear that which I cannot see. I know that It's there and I know that It exists. I can feel It all around me yet cannot see It. However, what would that change?

Would it ease this Paranoia? Would it allow for restful sleep?

-Worth-

"What are my feelings telling me?"
"What is my motivation/how far am I prepared for this to go?"
"Is it worth the trouble, the anguish, the joy, the frustration, and, ultimately, the possibility that this won't end well?"

I'm sure you've asked these questions when it comes evaluating love. It was once said:

"In my opinion, unless you can answer these questions you are not worthy of love;
or, better still, you are in no position to use the phrase 'love' in such a way
that it describes feelings beyond that of a platonic manner."

While I would be remiss to say that I agree with the statement, it does ring quite true. Love seems to have become something that isn't respected anymore. No, scratch that, it is still respected, but the commitment and thoughtfulness behind the sentiment seems to be wanting. The social contract of love has become that of a dramatic script. Everyone has their pre-conceived notions of what love truly is, and as such how one should act while in love. Now this in and of itself is not a problem, however it becomes a problem when one who is craving their perfect "love" scenario, and loses sight of why they're in the relationship they are.

The main flaw with modern romances is that the word "love" has lost its meaning over the years. Should you ask anyone in a physical relationship - that being a relationship that has progressed into the areas of kissing, extended embraces, and/or sexual intercourse - how to best describe their feelings towards the person they are courting/dating, the most common response is "love." While I do not debate the validity of their claim, I do call into question the type of love that they are experiencing - philia, agapē, or eros.

-The Flow-

Can what has not happened be undone? That is to say, can future events be foiled should they become known to an individual? One schooled in the notions of free-will and chance would state that yes one can indeed change their future through a conscious effort of their actions; however, one who believes in fate or pre-destination would argue that no matter what foreknowledge an individual may posess, he will, despite is best efforts, fall prey to whatever he has forseen. While both schools are right in their own respect, the degree in which they could play into the changing of one's future is not only determined by the individual, but also by the event itself. Such events such as what one has for lunch, dinner, ect., can be dismissed in a question such as this, for they are not items of great consequence (though this itself is to be debated), though would it be possible for one to deny an action greater than themselves through conscious decisions?

I often find myself wondering what the pre-written world has in store for me. I, one hooked on the idea of fate and unalterable grand design, find it hard to imagine where the world would be if humanity were left to its own choices and chance. To me it sounds like a terrifying

As hard a time I have believing that we're the shapers of our own destiny, I find it even more difficult to believe that I am capible of deciding what the best direction for my life. However, this is not an admission of a lack of self-confidence, as that would be quite the falacy, or even a statement about my ability to make decisions, but rather it is an unbiased observation as to my nature and how I have this seemingly uncanny ability to put myself into destructive positions when I attempt to exert my own will upon a situation. Quite frankly as deep as my love runs for anyone in this world, or anything - be it an idea, tradition, or object - I'm hopelessly infatuated with chaos and self-destruction. Entropy suits me, in a strange way, and as such "free-will" combined with my nature would dictate that I would be incapible of the pleasent ending that I so deeply yearn for. Such an ending is beyond my control and as such I feel no need to control this flow. Going with the flow is not for those schooled in free-will, but rather the realization that you're without control.